Living in The Dark
by Roma-Nana
Summary: Because there's a side of Spain even Romano isn't allowed to see. One-Shot.


"Oi, Romano!" Spain shouted from the back yard. The bitter Italian looked up from his book.

"What, tomato bastard?"

"The _tomates_ are looking more ripe than usual! _Venga a ver!_" He grinned happily. Although Spain was in a bad spot at the very moment, he was able to come home for a few days to relax without having to do any paperwork. Things were stressful otherwise, and his boss knew that a day or two would always personally do Antonio some good.

"Che, I'm good." Romano scoffed, turning back to reading. He would never admit why he always came to visit Spain when he always acted like the man was such a pain. It was nobody else's business and he wasn't about to tell anyone, not even the Spaniard himself, although that never kept him from being so open and care-free with him anyway, even when he always acted so cold to him.

"Aww, but Lovi, _tu ami pomodori; darmi una mano qui!_" He spouted. Lovino quickly retorted in Italian as well. He sure seemed especially annoyed with him today.

"_Come vorrei essere fuori nel caldo dannato con un bastardo come te! Chigi!_" He spat his own verbal tic at the end, storming inside from his seat on the porch of Antonio's home in Madrid. It was a cozy home, two stories with plenty of room for himself, and even someone else. He made sure of that, though said person would never want to acknowledge that fact.

The brunette went back to what he was doing. He would have light thoughts here and there, like how he never understood why Lovino and his brother Feliciano both had verbal tics; what they'll have for dinner, nothing of much importance. He kept on picking tomatoes and enjoying the free time he was given. He had to go back to work tomorrow, so this relaxation was going to be quite short lived. However in the little time he had he was going to make the most of it, and not spend it thinking about all the crap going on with his country.

Sadly his thoughts couldn't stay from these problems long enough, now with Romano not close enough to be a distraction. His thoughts became clouded with strategizing, all the reasons why he was going to be in even more economic trouble, and even on past times such as this. Not to mention he and England fought again at the last world meeting which still annoyed him. The man infuriated him, and it was even worse that Antonio's sister Portugal really liked him. It caused quite a few tiffs between the siblings, even though they already had an oddly violent relationship.

Sighing, Antonio finished up and brought his tomatoes inside, hoping these thoughts would go away at least for tonight.

* * *

><p>Fresh warm heat filled the kitchen. The stove was on and cooking with accuracy. Pasta boiled over in the pot, while fresh smells of tomato sauce, steaming vegetables, meat, broth and various other smells wafted about the kitchen. It smelled delicious, and Spain would have started drooling, if it weren't for the fact that well, he was the one cooking. Romano had insisted that he wanted pasta, and was being quite adamant about it, so as to not bicker about it Spain was making some for him.<p>

"Romano, it's almost ready!" Antonio shouted to him in the other room. He heard him turn off the TV and get up off the couch as he went back to cooking. He shuffled into the room seconds later and loudly pulled out a chair from the kitchen table and sat down.

"Better not taste like shit..." He mumbled. Spain sighed.

"Its pasta Lovi, I doubt you'll think it tastes like shit. It's not very hard to make you know."

"Yeah but knowing you and how ditzy you are you'll still find a way to mess up a good dish." He retorted, crossing his arms and looking out the window. it was dark out now, and it looked like it might start raining.

Antonio simply stayed silent at the bitter remark. He thought if he ignored his pissy attitude maybe it would go away, such was not the case.

_"It's not like I'm actually that stupid..."_

"Yeah you are." Romano commented. Spain looked back at him with a questioning look. Romano simply looked the other way and crossed his arms.

"I'm not."

"You are."

"I'm not, Lovi!"

"Stop fucking calling me that, tomato bastard!"

"Maybe I will when you stop calling me _that!_"

Things were getting heated fast, and it wasn't just the food still on the stove. The two were having a glare off, both annoyed with each other's remarks(which was very rare for Antonio, since he usually brushed them off). The first one to break it was Antonio, turning back to his almost finished cooking.

It was a thick silence about the kitchen until Romano got up from his seat. He came over to the Spaniards side and started messing with the boiling pasta.

"What are you doing?"

"Taking the pasta off the stove. It'll taste weird if you leave it on here boiling for too long."

"You just think I'll mess that up too, don't you?"

"Yep."

He twitched. _'Come to visit me when I finally have some time and all you do is insult me. You can be so ungrateful..'_ Spain thought, as if he were talking to the Italian who had begun to put the sauce on the pasta himself. He looked over at him and studied him and his annoyed demeanor.

_'He'd be so much easier to deal with if you just crushed him.'_

Antonio jumped. Where had that thought come from?

_'Look at you. You can't even keep an angry Italian under control; much less the rest of your former charges.'_

He shook his head and wipes his forehead with his sleeve, getting rid of the sweat that had accumulated from the heat of the stove. Romano looked at him, scrutinizing him again before going back to tending to his pasta.

_'See? He doesn't even show you any respect. The whole world doesn't show you the respect.'_

Antonio's grip tightened on the pan he was using. These kinds of thoughts began invading his head, and he couldn't for the life of him understand why it happened. Every single time it would just happen when he got annoyed with a fellow country. Luckily, besides with England, that wasn't very often.

"Oi, bastard, your food is starting to burn." Lovino nudged Spain's side trying to get his attention, but he was too far in thought to really notice.

_'You should just take everything back. You can show them. After all, you're Reino de España.'_

Antonio looked over at the fiery Italian, his former charge for years. He was barking at him because of the food.

"I rather not be in a house that smells like ass and smoke- Oi! Snap out of it, bastard-" Before Romano knew what happened he was pinned to the wall, Antonio gripping him by his wrists. Their foreheads and upper bodies pressed against one another's. This was clearly to close for Lovino's comfort.

"H-Hey! Let go, bastard!" Lovino struggled between Antonio and the wall behind him, but it didn't do much. Antonio simply stared into him coldly.

"_Sabes que yo pudiera te tomo derecha aquí,_" He gave a slight smile, but it was far from comforting. "_¿verdad?_"

Lovino broke into a cold sweat. His jaw dropped slightly and that statement, as if it were a warning.

"_Q-Qué?_" He managed to get out. "Bastard, you...-" Antonio's grip tightened. He kept his gaze right into his shaky eyes.

_'He's weak. Acting all tough and constantly swearing, you should put him in his place.'_

_"Mocoso desagradecido. Usted realmente crees que puedes hablar conmigo de esa manera?" _He frowned. _"Eh?"_ Romano tried to avert his gaze but with how close Spain was he couldn't pull it off.

"Oi.."

_'Just do it. He can't fight you.'_

"J-Just let go already!"

_'What are you waiting for?'_

"_Antonio!_"

At the mention of his real name Antonio's attention was drawn back to Lovino, his thoughts receding for the moment. He shook under him every so often, nearly trembling. If he did anything else so...out of character, he was sure Lovino may have even started crying. Tears were already forming in the corners of his eyes, and he was clearly gritting his teeth to keep that from happening. He always kept up a strong persona, but underneath the surface, Romano was easily frightened and unfortunately, easy to take advantage of if you did it right.

"Lovi, I..." Antonio couldn't help but be over whelmed by guilt. Any malice melted from his voice at that point. He let go of him and backed up toward the doorway. Before Lovino could even say anything he left down the hallway quickly. Making a sudden stop he ran into the bathroom and shut the door behind him, locking it.

He slid down the door and hit the ground with a thump. Running his hands through his hair he tried to get himself together.

_'What was that? You wimp! You had him.' _

"I don't want him..n-not like that.."

_'You stupid idiot! This is why everyone under minds you! You can't even manage to take the man you love when you want him. You'll never get anywhere with how you're going about it things.'_

"Go away.._Vete_..."

_'Oh? I'd love to leave you behind, but if you haven't noticed. I am you!'_

Antonio knew that perfectly well. He could never escape this side of him, because it _was_ him; the him from so long ago that he never wished to be again. Ruthless, cruel, successful, proud, _blood thirsty_; he couldn't hide this side from himself. It has always been there and it always will be.

And he hated it.

This was a side of him he vowed to never let anyone see again. It's time was in the past, and he wasn't about to let it manifest in his actions ever again. If he did he would only ruin all the wonderful things he had managed to obtain since then. His colonies may have left him, but he had good relationships with most of them, he could get along with everyone in Europe, give or take a few _choice_ countries; his life was good.

He wasn't about to let this side of him ruin that.

So he would lock it away, keep it a secret and never let anyone see it. Not even Lovino.

_'You know everything I've told you is true. You're under appreciated and under minded. Without me, that will never change.'_

He smiled a solemn smile; the sad thing about all this was that he understood. He knew everything this side of him was saying as absolutely true, and he believed all of it. He was a shadow of his former glory, his former strength, of his former self. He would never see the light of day,

"Spain! What the hell are you doing in there? C-Come out! Your damn dinner is burning..."

_...but maybe life was better in the shadows._

* * *

><p><strong>These are the only translations I'ma give you. If there are mistakes; ignore them. I'm not the best with <em>Italian <em>or Spanish.**

**_Tu ami pomodori; darmi una mano qui! - You love tomatoes, give me a hand here!_**

**_Come vorrei essere fuori nel caldo dannato con un bastardo come te! - Like I would like to be outside in the heat with a damn bastard like you!_**

**Sabes que yo pudiera te tomo derecha aquí, ¿verdad? - You know I could take you right here, right?**

**Mocoso desagradecido. Usted realmente crees que puedes hablar conmigo de esa manera? - Ungrateful brat. You really think you can talk to me like that?**


End file.
